tonight is a hard night.
the type of night when you’re causally
considering suicide, contemplating
who would care if you died.
it’s one of those nights when you sit
and stare at a screen and you can
chat away and make jokes but inside
your soul feels frozen, old.
it’s one of those nights where you wish
you could self destruct in so many ways.
it’s one of those nights where you just lay for hours
and hours but sleep never comes
even though you’re exhausted.
it’s one of those nights when you would give
anything to be held by another warm body–
except you can’t sacrifice your pride, because
the walls you’ve built up are what’s keeping you
and you have no idea
how to survive being that close to another