There Is Only One Always


 

Sometimes, when you ask me these things, ask so much of me,

I don’t know how to respond.

(You leave a letter for me to feel better

but all I do is feel like a failure when I read it later)

Sometimes I wonder why you want to try after all these years;

I spent my life trying to stay invisible because it was more practical

and it worked just fine no matter the pain I had to hide.

(You never cared what was wrong or how I felt before

so why start now, trying to open locked doors?)

Sometimes I wish I could just cut the ties and leave to lead my own life;

I wish I didn’t care about you sometimes because it would make it easier

to forsake this life and leave you all behind.

(But I’ve realized I can’t—and trust me, I’ve tried.)

And sometimes I hate you—or at least, I think I do.

But more often it’s that I hate myself for not being someone else,

someone with less problems ,

someone good enough for you,

someone who gives you what I think you want.

But I don’t always feel like this.

 

I can’t blame you for seeing the world through your own eyes

or dealing with your own issues on your journey through life.

I understand that you’ve tried.

So I want to forgive you, forgive myself, forgive everything—

just know that this will all take time.

But there is One Always—

no matter what might come our way, I pray

you know:

there is Love in you,

and there is Love in me,

and that Love makes room for grace to grow.

 

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About thefreescribbler

My life is one of words. I am a scribbler, whose thoughts are best expressed through adjectives and phrases and punctuation marks. I would not go so far as to call myself a writer, although many would disagree. I’m characterized more by my unfinished works and half-embodied ideas, scraps of stories and parts of poems. Maybe one day I’ll be a writer, but I’m okay with being a scribbler right now. It fits my personality and style, and best expresses my aims. I’m not trying to create some lofty version of literature. I’m just a kid blogging about life. View all posts by thefreescribbler

2 responses to “There Is Only One Always

  • moses11

    They wouldn’t want someone “good enough” or perfect. At the end of the day no matter what issues you have you are the one they would pick. As you said. There is Love. I am behind you on this journey my friend.

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