Monthly Archives: July 2014

There Is Only One Always


 

Sometimes, when you ask me these things, ask so much of me,

I don’t know how to respond.

(You leave a letter for me to feel better

but all I do is feel like a failure when I read it later)

Sometimes I wonder why you want to try after all these years;

I spent my life trying to stay invisible because it was more practical

and it worked just fine no matter the pain I had to hide.

(You never cared what was wrong or how I felt before

so why start now, trying to open locked doors?)

Sometimes I wish I could just cut the ties and leave to lead my own life;

I wish I didn’t care about you sometimes because it would make it easier

to forsake this life and leave you all behind.

(But I’ve realized I can’t—and trust me, I’ve tried.)

And sometimes I hate you—or at least, I think I do.

But more often it’s that I hate myself for not being someone else,

someone with less problems ,

someone good enough for you,

someone who gives you what I think you want.

But I don’t always feel like this.

 

I can’t blame you for seeing the world through your own eyes

or dealing with your own issues on your journey through life.

I understand that you’ve tried.

So I want to forgive you, forgive myself, forgive everything—

just know that this will all take time.

But there is One Always—

no matter what might come our way, I pray

you know:

there is Love in you,

and there is Love in me,

and that Love makes room for grace to grow.

 

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