Top of the blog post, and it’s 1:23 AM. I’m not tired–or at leas if I am, I don’t feel it yet. Some would say I would do well to sleep, because tough times are ahead. And they very well are, but I will ignore the advice to rest. I have the energy, the mental stamina. No reason to waste the hours I am alert enough to write, to think, to create. I don’t always find myself with such luxury. My mind can be a chaotic world, and today–tonight–there is a measure of relief. Clarity.
I spent the afternoon writing. This semester, I’ve found that I’m in my best moods after I’ve spent an afternoon holed up in my room, listening to music and raising my word count. The story draws a lot out of me–mentally, emotionally, physically. But it’s also invigorating. Sometimes I have to wait until the next scene or two is ripe–bursting out of me. Sometimes I stall because I have to wait for the right mood to write, until I can capture all the emotion and tension perfectly, until I have the stamina to pour everything out. And sometimes it’s hard to do your schoolwork when all you want to do is write. Sure, I have a short story due Tuesday, but this is something completely different. It’s a story that won’t let go, a story that I have to write. And, it’s more than likely a story you won’t read.
So why bother mentioning it? Why bother going through all of this excitement if I seem to only selfishly keep it to myself? My intention was never to sell or plug my writing, with this post. Instead, I am surprised. I’m surprised that I’m not tired yet. I’m surprised that, with all the emotionally draining situations I’ve faced this week, I managed through today without any severe mood swings. I’m surprised that I was able to spend time writing. I’m surprised that in this desert, God is carving channels for a river to run through. I guess I wrote so I could realize–marvel, thank, delight. I am richly blessed, and I walk no roads alone. What I’m continually realizing and remembering is this: It all leads to this moment, right here, right now. Everything you’ve been through has brought you to today. What will you do with it?
I may have a daunting task ahead of me. It will take hard conversations, hard work, hard times. It will take testing faith, proving love, embracing hope. It will take strength that is not mine and courage that I can’t fabricate. But I’ll make it through. I am carried in the arms of my Savior, on the back of His body. So eager to bear someone else’s burdens, yet now I am learning how to let others bear mine. There are many battles ahead of me, but I have an army of angels on my side commanded by God Himself.