Monthly Archives: February 2014

Small Victories


I suck at a lot of stuff, usually stuff that’s actually important.  You know, like trusting people and having good self esteem and all that stuff.  Maybe I’m just on a high from reflecting on the sunset and still riding an endorphin wave (endorphin….that word always makes me think of dolphins…), but I think I have a few reasons to be proud of myself today.  Maybe the past 36 hours.  Yesterday was mostly hell and I hated it.  Tomorrow might bring more of the same.  But for right now, today, I have a few victories I would like to recount.  Not cause I’m some sort of saint (you couldn’t tell?)  but because I need a fucking good reminder why it’s worth it to keep going even when I’m way too close to just give up.

 

 

Recent Small Victories:

(synonymous with: Shit I’m Grateful For, Reasons Why I Don’t Hate Myself Today, and Why I Feel Like I Can Face Tomorrow)

  1. I wrote a 4 page paper last night.
  2. I edited said paper this afternoon and turned it in more than 24 hours before it was due.
  3. I didn’t cut today.
  4. I stayed awake in all of my classes, even though I didn’t really get to sleep until 1 AM and was wide awake a quarter after 5 AM
  5. I worked out.
  6. I worked out IN THE GYM (…which, as it turned out, I did at an ideal time, where I could get the bulk of my workout in while there weren’t that many people there.  I wasn’t freaking out/panicking/anxious AT ALL!!!! That’s more than a small victory, especially when just walking out of my room makes me feel like I’m naked and exposed.)
  7. I posted on here today.  (might not seem like I big deal, but I try not to neglect this too much.  I actually do take this blog seriously…)
  8. I asked a friend for help with a problem I’ve been having lately (okay, so I wrote her a letter that will eventually end up in her campus mailbox, but I actually opened my stubborn mouth–metaphorically speaking–and am trusting someone with something that’s a fairly BIG ISSUE…..so yeah, this is a BIG DEAL!!!)
  9. I was assertive with an acquaintance yesterday about my no-touchie rule, and she took it well.  (hopefully that will greatly reduce my irritability and on-edge-ness in my 8 AM M/W/F class…. Having proximity issues and being introvert when you’re forced into group work for 2 hours, 3 times a week, can turn into some pretty nasty anxiety…)
  10. I didn’t crash today….AT ALL…. (at least, not yet, but still…  and, in case you don’t know, “crashing” for me usually means going into an emotional tail-spin.  Some are worse than others, like the one I had yesterday–although I don’t think I ever got off the ground…  Anyway, this just basically means I was in a good mood all day and didn’t have any anxiety, stress, them chattering in my ear, or generally feeling useless / worthless / insignificant / etc.  HALLELUJAH THANK YA JESUS!!!!)

 

So there you have it.  My list of small (and some big) victories of the past day and a half or so.  Or maybe just day.  By now, it’s been a full 24 hours.  I think?  Doesn’t matter.  I’m alive.  I survived.  I’m feeling like I’m on top of the world and like I can do anything I want. I can take on the world.  I’m probably going to spend the evening writing. Or maybe Netflix?  Doesn’t matter.  I can breathe, I can make it through the rest of the week.  I might be singing a different song tomorrow but right here, right now?  I could do cartwheels through the parking lot.  (Actually I couldn’t…I’m sore…but you know what I mean….)

 

Invincible,

The Scribbler

 

P.S.– I don’t actually watch Family Guy, but I just had to use the picture….  Couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that!

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